I really enjoyed church yesterday. Not only did we not have music, which was actually very refreshing, I think I really needed to hear the sermon. The text was from Matthew 13: 44-46. About the men who sold everything for the hidden treasure and for the pearl of great worth. To be honest I’ve had a hard time understanding these parables (I’m still not sure if I completely do). It seems much deeper than selling everything I own or kneeling at an altar and saying I surrender everything to you. I feel like I actually need to DO something.
The statement was made Sunday night at the prayer group that I go to that we have as much of God as we want; that sometimes we try to blame God and say “why aren’t you pouring out your Spirit?” but in reality we do not have a great enough desire. To be honest again I didn’t like these statements. They kind of made me a little angry. To be honest with you guys for a third time, I’ve been in kind of a dry spell lately. I’ve just felt very disconnected with God. I’ve been pretty miserable because of it. When I pray I’ve just been crying out to God to fix whatever’s wrong between us, if there’s something I need to do to let me know, but he’s been pretty quiet. So the idea that I don’t desire God enough seemed ridiculous to me and irritated me immensely. However, the more I thought about it the more I thought: shouldn’t this desire I have be motivating me to action? The answer obviously is yes. But what does this action look like? What does it mean personally for me to as Kevin put it “sell out”? Do I need to pray and read my bible more (those are always the cliché Sunday school answers), but I feel like it needs to be more, but I can’t seem to figure out what it is. I’m willing to sell out; I just need God to be more clear as to what that means.
1 comment:
Ya know, I came to an ephiphany a few years ago on this subject.
I think sometimes God seems quiet precisely because He wants us to exercise the grace and the free will He has given us. There really is no greater gift than the ability we recieve through grace to chose to follow God, not because we feel Him but because we know Him. For sure, it would be a whole lot less complicated if we just recieved daily marching orders, but I am pretty sure that is in opposition to the type of relationship God desires. So at times, when I don't "feel" God, it is reassuiring to me that God trusts me enough with where I am in my relationship with him that He doesn't need to micromanage my life.
Now, if I am straying from Him and do not "feel" His presence, that is quite clearly a diffrent matter. But if you are committed to Him, then accept the blessing of trust and act in love. God will not stay silent forever, but in the mean time, do not be discouraged for He will never leave you especilly when you need Him most.
Hope this helps...
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